I hope you had a great birrrrrfffday!!!! I dont have the web at home (i know I suck haha) so I had to wait to post your comment today!

I dont have the web at home so I wanted to tell ya Happy Birthday before!  I hope sunday rocks!

Sitting back and reflecting on 2 1/2 decades of personal experience. What was my biggest desire when I was 5? Many random thoughts rushed through the halls of my brain as I drank my coffee starring out the window at the busy world.  I did not feel any different... I was told by a close friend at 25 a lot would hit me, I never agreed, but I felt incessantly curious to see if she was right.

When I was blowing out the candles on my 15th birthday I remember thinking "In ten years I won't be living at home. Will I still have the same friends, will I be single? I hope TJ, Cathy and I are still really close", I even wondered which (if any) grandparents I might loose before I turned 25.  It was slightly over whelming to experience that nostalgia as I watched all the cars zooming by. Life throws you in the fast lane & it's your choice to go with or against the current.

I've always prided myself of being different.  I never looked like anyone else & I certainly hadn't met anyone clumsier than myself. I tend to think you can see everything more clearly with your head higher than the rest. Do I look any older? Seeing pictures as I unpack my boxes in my room, who was that big cheeked, super smile 15 year old? The one who always slept on a couch over a bed, never would turn down a dare & always ran with the boys barefoot. A slight smirk grew across my face -- I remember that feeling of no bills, very petty worries -- but I knew they were coming soon. Laying on my bed, the freshly washed sheets filling the air with a warm linen fragrance, I smiled again. What would you have told that 15 year old girl blowing out her cake with that huge cast on her leg. "Hang in there honey, things are not as bad as they might occasionally seem" "when your 17 & you meet at Denny's and he smiles at you... DON'T give him your pager number" "Your mom will always love you no matter what you do -- trust her advice.  Would I have believed myself?  Sitting on my 25th birthday I remember it was also shared with my Great Grandpa -- I possess a few vague memories of him.  That thought led me to think of my grandma who didn't make it in the ten year span. I then looked at my picture of her and I at Easter 2 years ago -- healthy, smiling -- I hope if I live to 95 yrs old I am just as pleased with my life.

Im missing my family & friends more than normal today. I wish I could hug my mom, or see my brother drink all the beer. Watch my dad look at all the prices on the backside of each birthday card I receive & scold the buyer, "this card was $4.29! The card and the gift bag cost more than the present." Hearing my sister laugh as I randomly fall, hurt or cut myself on something.  This past year has taken me so far away from everything Im used to, & left me in a wonderful state of confusion. If I would have told that 15 year old girl she'd be 2,000 miles away from home in exactly 10 years she would have laughed and continued talking with Krysti & Mark.  If I would have told her she would receive attention from the man of her dreams --  she would have told me she was too busy for a boyfriend. If I would have told her what her life is like now - she would have given me a high five & told me to "do it up" or "keep it pushin" as we used to say at that time. Life makes us constantly second guess what we do -- & why we do it.

What would I say to myself in 10 years from now? Good-luck! I hope to be married, I hope to have kids, and hold success behind every door I open. This life of love & acceptance is what keeps me alive and feeds my fuel.  Something tells me that if my 35 year old self visited me today she would tell me many unknowns to come of course. She would see & remember laying around the pool drinking wine and beer with Aby & the many friends who surround me. she would remember her old independence before children & mortgages... she probably would give me a high five & opt against a cold brew down a beer bong but she would tell me to keep striving towards my dreams no matter what happens to me. Feeling like an outsider looking at all these crazy sleep over pictures from that night 10 years ago I realize how much has changed and happened during that time through today but many wonderful things have stemmed from that.  Seeing how they've grown was reassuring and gave me nothing but hope for the next wild adventure I find.

Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday, It really made me feel more at home and peaceful.  I love you all!

"True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us.” ~Socrates 

Yesterday was my 25th birthday. This was my first birthday away from home and it was not bad at all.  I usually use a birthday to spark a creative beginning to making this coming year better than the next.